


With Deja Vu We'll Rearrange the Stars

by stardustedknuckles



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, He gets better, It's not so much plot as several emotions in a trench coat, Molly lives, and then for real, background beauyasha, bc I have a brand, brief blood, heavy spoilers for episode 111, kind of, more of an implication but i know what dumpster i go in, the character death is a formality tag, this is a bucket of angst until it isn't, yasha loved him so much guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustedknuckles/pseuds/stardustedknuckles
Summary: They find him and bring him home, but he's not himself.But. They are the mighty nein - if he's in there to be had, he will be.
Relationships: The Mighty Nein & Mollymauk Tealeaf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 103





	With Deja Vu We'll Rearrange the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> So the first bit, in the snow? That was going to be it. The whole fic. 100 ish words. Three hours later, we're here. No real editing, just a brain dump written in one go because I needed it.
> 
> Since I dumped you in the middle of my head, context would be that they immediately got their asses where Cree and the others were and fought/distracted whoever they needed to in order to get him out.

"You can't do it." Lucien's teeth were white as the snow that whipped around his face and the broad body of Yasha pinning him down. "Hit Molly? Your best friend?" His features arranged into something more placid, gently chiding, and Yasha felt the rage surge to cover her hesitation.

When she pulled her fist back, those white teeth gleamed red.

She sat over his unconscious body, panting hard, then traced a finger over his split lip and bent down to his ear. "You always counted on me to hit you when you needed it." She might have been pleading, just a little, but the blizzard whipped her words where no one else could hear. "You can still count on it. Just come back." She covered him with her cloak, picked him up, and started walking.

**********

"Are you going to be okay if he is not in there?" Caleb's voice was barely above a whisper as they stood together in the corner of a dim room that Beau, upon entering, had declared in no uncertain terms would be thoroughly discussed at a later time.

Yasha watched her pull the straps of the chair tight over Molly's - Lucien's - _his_ arms and legs and drew her crossed arms a little tighter. "It was never a guarantee it would be him at all. I have tried not to get my hopes up."

Caleb nodded, following her eyeline. "Hope is a funny thing," he said, almost to himself. "It doesn't really care sometimes if we want it. It is natural to have it in spite of logic. So will you be alright?"

He didn't look at Yasha, which made it easier to answer honestly. "Maybe not for a little while."

"Will you run again, if we have to kill him?"

She did not begrudge him the question. Besides, it was a much easier one. Her eyes back on Beau, she said, "this is my home. I will stay."

Caleb touched his shoulder to Yasha very gently.

"Alright, asshole," Beau said loudly. "Time to wake up."

***********

"So you remember everything." Beau was perched in another one of those dreadful chairs, watching the purple tiefling with a flat, controlled expression. It surprised and warmed Yasha, in spite of everything, that Beau even had to make the effort.

"Oh yes," Lucien -- it did not help to think of him as Molly, not now -- sneered at her. "A body without a soul, no goals, no cares, no -"

"You're wrong." Yasha had stayed quiet for most of things, but she couldn't for this. "Molly had a soul. He was my friend, and we took care of each other."

"Molly was a placeholder," Lucien hissed. "Anything you ascribed to that is your own weakness." Yasha faltered even as Caleb placed a hidden hand on her elbow. "Oh," said Lucien. "I'm so sorry." The tension left his brow, and the leer he had worn dropped away. "Yasha, I'm here," he said.

In the sides of her sudden tunnel vision, she saw Beau's eyes snap to Caleb. He was there, suddenly, standing in front of her and blocking her view.

Or Lucien's.

"That will be enough of that," he said softly, and raised a glowing hand.

The human stranger in the chair looked himself over and snorted. "Looks like at least one of you has changed."

Beau's voice cut through her thoughts. "Yasha."

She looked to the monk, who held her gaze steadily. A question.

Finally, Yasha nodded. Beau returned it and faced Lucien again.

Round two.

************

"You're sure he can't get out?" Fjord peered at Caleb and pushed the cup of tea Caduceus had placed before him a little closer.

Caleb nodded gratefully, seeming to rouse himself a little. "Lucien does not know the command words, and his is not a, uh…recognized user of the tower."

Jester spoke up, her hands twisting the fabric of her dress. "Is Molly?"

Caleb hesitated. "Of course."

"You gave admin privileges to a dead guy?" Beau's eyes were heavy from the strain of the last few hours, but she pulled a fraction of a smile from Caleb.

"Ja, well, you see…we always knew there was a possibility that if he pulled himself out of a grave once, it could happen again."

Jester's tail twitched behind her suddenly in realization. "Is that what the guest room was really for?"

Caleb inclined his head in acknowledgment. "The design for his room would show only if he were with us."

There was silence for a moment, and then Caduceus prompted them all gently. "So what do we know?"

Caleb looked to Beau as Yasha squeezed her hand just slightly where they were joined under the table. Beau blew out a breath and leaned back in her chair. "Not a whole fuckin lot, really. It sounds like Lucien has all of Molly's memories but he sees them as like…like they happened to someone else, which makes sense I guess, I don't know how all this works. He's a real sonofabitch though. Not the fun kind. He acted like he was Molly to get to Yasha."

Yasha saw Jester turn to look at her with a face full of pity, but her eyes didn't move from the untouched teacup before her on the table.

"That's interesting," Caduceus mused. "Like it happened to someone else…so he doesn't consider himself part of that narrative at all, then."

"Nein," Caleb spoke up. "He called Molly a placeholder. A body with no soul. Scraps of experience and memory, but little more than an empty vessel."

Caduceus snorted softly. "Well of course. That's what a soul is." Now Yasha did look up. Every other eye was also turned to the gentle pink giant, who scanned all their faces before seeming to come to the decision to elaborate. "Everyone is just a walking lump of memories and experience." He said it like plain fact, like it was something obvious and not at all esoteric.

"So was Molly just a blank Lucien?" Jester asked. "I mean, would Lucien have grown up to be Molly if he was a baby at the carnival?"

"I don't think he was a blank Lucien, Jester." Fjord was turned towards her, but still watching Caduceus. "I think he was just a blank. Exactly like a baby."

"Like a whole other life," Beau said slowly.

Caleb arrived at the conclusion first. "Caduceus. Do you think it's possible to talk to Molly by using Speak with Dead on Lucien?"

The stillness in the room was deafening. Caduceus's great soft eyes blinked once.

Twice.

One of his ears flicked.

"I don't know," he said finally. "This is kind of new territory." He took a sip of his tea to steady himself before continuing. "I don't know where the boundary between your books and theories and spiritual matters is on this kind of thing."

Yasha's voice was barely a whisper. "Will you try?"

Caduceus reached a warm, furred paw to take her hand. "Absolutely."

***********

"You know," Beau remarked as they descended slowly through the center of the tower. "I don't actually enjoy hitting him." She glanced toward the newly un-seemed tiefling in Yasha's arms.

Caleb's voice was bleak, deadpan. "Which one?"

Beau glared across and slightly up at him. "Either, asshole." There's no heat in the words -- they're all tense. "I'm just saying I don't dislike Molly nearly as much as I thought I did before he died."

"Death covers many sins," Caleb said.

"Yeah well," Beau said as their feet touched the floor, "I'm kinda invested in what sins he might still have up his sleeve if this works."

Yasha stayed quiet, lost in thought as she took in the familiar features relaxed in sleep. She could feel that hope raising its tired head inside her again.

"I can't watch this," she said when the unconscious Lucien had been settled into a chair facing the fireplace and the stained glass mural of his coat over it.

Caduceus's voice was kind. "It would be best to wait outside, I think. There is a reason - several, in fact - that we don't offer this kind of thing."

"I'll wait out here with you, Yasha," Jester said.

"I'm staying in case something goes wrong," Fjord said.

"Me too," said Beau. "Caleb?" He nodded. Beau glanced up at Yasha and smiled at her. "Ten minutes," she said.

Yasha nodded numbly and let Jester tug her out of the room, sparing one last look over her shoulder as the door closed behind them.

It was flung open again in less than two. Jester yelped in surprise, and the combination of that and the sudden light thrown across the carpet made adrenaline surge immediately in Yasha as she whirled to find Beau standing backlit in the doorway, breathing hard and smiling grimly.

"We can get him back."

Yasha's world fell away. "What?" She wasn't aware that she had swayed until Jester tugged on her arm to keep her up.

Beau's voice sounded like it was coming down a long tunnel. "He's in there, Yash. We just have to kill him and bring Molly's soul back to the body."

"Oh," Yasha said faintly. Her vision blurred. "Is that all?"

Two pairs of arms reached for her as she fell.

************

Yasha dreamed.

She was kneeling at the altar of the storm lord, retching and shaking and her hair, something was wrong with her hair - she reached up to touch the few inches of white and startled badly when she found there was so much more of it than there should be. She could bring it in front of her eyes, see the white - and the black. So much black.

A flash, and she was screaming at a reflection of herself in the water. The white of her hair turned black. Her eyes were black. Alien, leathery wings pulled from somewhere awful inside of her and she was lost, so lost --

A flash, and she was walking. Had been walking. Days, weeks, catching rats and birds and bugs, it didn't matter. Nothing did. She just walked. Zuala's eyes as she had been dragged from her, the hand reaching out. She tripped over a root and

There was a man talking to her, and she was only half there. How long had it been since she'd spoken? Some of the colors he was wearing were colors she had not seen before. She had saved someone, a child.

"There's a place for you here. You are wanted. Protect our family."

A handshake -- her nails were cracked and bloody --

A purple tiefling in a dim tent, curled in on himself on a cot. Shirtless, scars crisscrossing his shoulders and his arms and the back of his neck that she could see. A feeling of familiarity, of recognition. Her face reflected in his.

A flash, and she was sobbing quietly, hands tangled in her hair, unable to get the knots free and so, so afraid that she would have to cut it, to lose the white, to lose Zuala again -- hesitant, warm hands on hers, the purple tiefling looking for the first time like something stirred behind those red eyes. A brush in a still-clumsy hand, an offer. Yasha's hesitation, then her nod.

Flash

"No no, watch my hands." His still-new new voice with that still-new laughter in it, a confidence that makes her feel like maybe she could have that too one day. He slowly crosses three strings over each other, then bows his head to let Yasha try with his hair.

Hers is full of so many braids. 

Mollymauk Tealeaf, Toya on his shoulders.

Molly, charming villagers with flyers.

Molly, striding confidently into crowds and knowing she's behind him.

Molly, saying, "I think I like this crew, let's stay awhile."

Molly in the swamp: "You look tired. May I?" His hands in her hair like old times. 

Molly, still asleep as she went down with Fjord and Jester.

A stick, a grave, a coat.

Yasha, lost.

She keeps the last braid he gave her. 

*************

"Hey, wake up." Yasha's eyes open immediately to find Beau crouched over her, hand on her cheek. She smiles like a kid on Christmas when Yasha makes a confused noise, and then she's tugging on Yasha's hands, pulling her gently but insistently to her feet.

Yasha's still caught between the past and the present, disoriented as she finds her feet. "What's going on? What happened?"

"Some sleep magic you shouldn't kill Caleb for and you can be mad at me about later, but come on." She tugs again, and Yasha follows. Dimly she realizes they're leaving the inner part of her room.

"Sleep magic?" is all she can muster as she stumbles along into the sitting room area of her section of the tower. Caduceus is there, leaning on his staff and looking weary, but smiling at her. Jester is leaned over in front of the couch while Fjord watches her from one side and Caleb looks on from the other. Caleb turns at the sound of their approach and when he smiles, Yasha's not sure she's ever seen him look that satisfied and relieved. Veth, next to him, looks proudly at that smile.

Yasha's heart starts to pound as she takes in her family. "What's going on?"

Jester turns delightedly. "Yasha!" She bolts towards Yasha, trips over something, and Yasha doesn't brace fast enough. They're in a heap on the floor and Jester is laughing, and it's something in the air because she can feel it bubbling inside her too, so she's smiling as she asks Jester is she's alright.

"Oh, she's fine." The voice is careless, drawn, and doing a poor job of hiding the mirth under it. "But I'm a little sore, thanks for asking." Yasha's blood roars in her ears as she looks up to find a very bandaged, exhausted-looking purple tiefling standing over her as Caleb and Beau hover on either side of him. There is a terrifying moment where Yasha considers whether it's Lucien and everyone has been charmed, but light flashes off of a maze of dangling chains on his horns, and Beau's words hammer home in her mind.

_We can get him back._

"Molly," she whispers, and then she's up off the floor with her arms around him as he makes a little "oof" and his horn is digging into her cheek and she doesn't care and he's warm and he's solid and he's laughing now, even as his legs shake and Yasha is forced to take his weight.

"Missed ya," he says a little breathlessly when she's got him secure against her.

"Gods, I missed you too," she murmurs into his shoulder. "Welcome home."

Another weight settles behind Yasha, and blue arms wrap around to grasp her and Molly and their grip. "Come on you guys," Jester calls. "Family hug."

Yasha hears Beau grumble something good-naturedly and Caduceus's small "oh" as someone presumably tugs him towards the reunion happening in the middle of this great stone room, and as Yasha soaks in the feeling of her family surrounding her, with Mollymauk here with her in the center of it, home has never felt so close.

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from Mylene Farmer's song "N'oublie Pas"
> 
> It's a love that's everywhere.
> 
> Oh yeah and the tense change just felt right, I'm not going to think too hard about it. Past moving to present, sure.
> 
> The sleep spell was so they could carry this out without Yasha needing to see it or be there or think about it. She's never seen him dead. It seemed kind to keep it that way. If it were a longer, "proper" fic I might have written that scene. But it was secondary to the reunion I needed to have happen.


End file.
